Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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