you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
