Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
