Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
