Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
