Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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