Non-Jews are for practice
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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