You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
