my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
