ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
