why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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