I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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