Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
