I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
