Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
