Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
