you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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