Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
