I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
