I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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