Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
