You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
