Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
