I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
