please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
