sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
