haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
