well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
