Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Buhtt sex?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
