I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
