I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
