do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
