Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
