I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
