his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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