So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
