I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
