looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
