he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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