We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
