Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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