New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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