How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
