I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
