if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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