If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think your dad took our porno
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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