I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
