I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
