If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
