I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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