he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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