I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
