Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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