its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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