she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
